Ten Years
by RheaCray
Summary: It's been 10years since 'chosen' and Buffy is living in LA with her daughter. But after all that time, she is still not over Spike. What happens when he returns? How will he react to the changes that have happened in a decade?


Hey, yeah I know what you're thinking…but don't worry cause I will be updating my other story soon, this was just something that popped into my brain whilst I was having a bad case of writer's block with my other fic.

R/R…

Ten Years. Had it really been that long?

Buffy Summers stood silently on the dimly lit porch of her house, just staring up at the twinkling stars and wondering. Wondering what her life would have been like if she had done things differently ten years ago. The booming of loud music and drunken cheers that where coming from the inside of her house seemed so far away when she engrossed herself in looking up at those stars, those same billions of stars that where watching over her and her friends ten years ago to the day when they fought and defeated the first evil.

Oh, how things had changed in that decade. Dawn had got married and was expecting her first child, Willow had founded her own company to help witches who had got addicted to black magic, Xander had moved to Spain, Faith and Wood had got engaged and Buffy lived with her daughter in the suburbs of Los Angeles.

She had first discovered she was pregnant four days after the battle with the first. She remembered how she had had morning sickness and had just taken the test to make sure, the result wasn't expected but she had just cried with happiness on the bathroom floor for hours. She knew that she was going to have a little piece of him.

Buffy felt a lump form in her throat when her thoughts wandered to Spike. Her mind ran through the questions that she asked herself whenever she thought of him; where was he now? Was he happy? Did he in some way know that he had a beautiful nine-year-old daughter? Did he know that Buffy still loved him?

She shook the tears away; she had to be strong for Sarah's sake. Sarah often asked about her father and Buffy had always replied by telling her that he was a champion, and that he was watching over her and taking care of her. Buffy would have married him, there was no doubt about that, and they would have been the perfect family…

Another loud bang and a cheer from the house tore her from her thoughts, she sighed.

This was the annual Scooby gang party, they held it every year to celebrate what they had managed to achieve on that well remembered day. The number of people who attended the party had decreased over the years, Xander had stopped coming when he had moved to Spain six years ago, Giles was in England, and Dawn now lived in Boston with her husband, so she couldn't come either.

So now it was just Willow, Wood, Faith, Buffy and about twelve other slayers that just happened to be in the neighborhood at the time. Buffy didn't think that they should have come, they didn't really know what they where celebrating after all. They weren't there when it happened.

She had let Sarah stay at a friend's house the night of the party, she was too young to drink and there wasn't really much for her to do, so she had stopped attending years ago.

Buffy looked up at the stars once more before taking a deep breath and walking back into the party. How could everyone be so cheerful? This wasn't a time for celebrating; this was a time for mourning for two of the greatest people that Buffy had ever known. Sarah's dad being one of them, the love of Xander's life being the other.

Unable to take anymore, Buffy stormed angrily over to the CD player and turned the music down low, causing the group to stop and look at her with annoyed looks on their flushed faces.

"What the hell's going on? I thought you said this party was gonna run late" a drunken slayer protested whilst sneering at Buffy,

"Get out, all of you" Buffy said shakily, "Everyone who didn't know me ten years ago can get out now" She heard annoyed mumbles and feet shuffling as the slayers staggered out of the house, leaving Willow, Faith, Wood and herself. Four of the people who witnessed the traumatic event that still haunted Buffy's dreams. Faith and Wood straightened themselves out and went to get their coats.

"I think we're gonna go, I have a long drive tomorrow" Wood said as he and Faith joined hands and walked out of the house. Willow just stared at Buffy before speaking.

"I'm sorry" she said slowly and Buffy shook her head,

"No, you shouldn't be sorry. I'm sorry that I ruined the party but you just don't understand…" Willow cut her off,

"I do, Buffy. I understand why you don't agree with our celebrating but you have to get that a lot more good came out of that battle than bad…and you know it"

"We're alive, I just don't see why you have to celebrate it, that's all" Willow paused and her eye's met Buffy's,

"Would you still be saying that if Spike where here?" Buffy cringed at the mention of his name, anger suddenly taking over,

"Don't you bring him into this! This has nothing to do with him; it's all to do with you and your selfishness!"

"My selfishness? Hey, at least we're all moving on with our lives, even Xander. He lost someone too remember? At least he's actually trying to move on instead of comparing his life now with the one we had in Sunnydale, he doesn't compare every woman he meets to Anya, just like you compare every guy you meet to Spike! You say this has nothing to do with him Buffy, he's the reason you've been wasting your life away for the last ten years! He's gone Buffy, you need to accept that and finally move on!" Buffy couldn't hold it in any longer and burst into tears, sinking into a sitting position she sobbed and Willow calmed down. Buffy didn't push her arm away when she felt it wrap around her. Comforting her.

"I'm sorry, Buffy I'm so sorry"

"I can't move on Willow, I can't! I've been trying so hard for the last ten years and I just can't help but love him"

"I know, you'll always love him, just like I'll always love Tara. But Buffy, I know that you sit outside on that porch and wait for him but Buffy you have to get that he's not gonna come for you"

"Sarah has his eyes" she sobbed into Willows chest, "I look at her and I see her father, I see the life that I could have had with him if only I'd have done things differently!"

"I know, I know. But think of Sarah, would she like to see you like this? Would Spike like to see you like this?"

"No," Buffy sniffed and dried her eyes, "No they wouldn't, I have to be strong" The two of them stood up and smiled weakly at each other before Willow spoke again,

"Do you want me to stay here for tonight, keep you company?" Buffy shook her head,

"No, that's okay. I think I just need to be alone" Willow smiled at her best friend,

"Okay, I'll call you in the morning and we'll have coffee"

"Bye" Buffy hugged the red head before watching her grab her coat and walk out the door; she waited until she heard the car drive away before running upstairs to her room.

Once inside, she took out a key in the pocket of her jeans and unlocked the very bottom drawer of her dressing table. This was where she kept all of her most valuable possessions: A photograph of her and her friends when they were in high school, her mother's jewelry and Spike's lighter.

Her tears now falling freely again, she slowly took out the lighter from the drawer and collapsed onto the bed with it clutched to her chest, letting her tears fall and happy memories of her platinum vampire overwhelm her.

Things had changed so much in the last ten years, and she hated it.

Should I continue? Review and let me know what you think!

Rhea


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